If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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