goodnight i made you a song goodbye
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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