Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will be naked everywhere
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
