'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
