My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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