The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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