I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
