who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
why does every cop we meet know your name?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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