Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
