you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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