Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
