Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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