I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
