Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
