See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
