so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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