Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
