tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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