i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
