i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize