so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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