It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
