I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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