and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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