what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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