If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
