Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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