Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize