Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
