WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
