I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
