why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
