when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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