i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
