Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
