I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
