It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
