i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
