Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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