he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
