Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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