My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
