I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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