Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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