Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we're making bets on your personal life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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