So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize