the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
