Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
