Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He passed out mid-signature
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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