So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
