Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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