I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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