What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
