I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
