I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
