we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
