when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
