I love black thongs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
