Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
