Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
