you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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