last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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