I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
