OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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