wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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